If you have been asked to give a eulogy, you may be feeling the weight of it: you want to do the person justice, and you are grieving at the same time. There is no single right way to do it. A eulogy does not need to be eloquent or complete. It needs to be honest, and to help the people in the room remember the person they have lost.
Below you will find a simple way to write one, a structure you can follow, and several short example eulogies. When the words are ready, you can set them out on large note cards so they are easy to read on the day.
How to write a eulogy
- Gather memories first Before you write a single sentence, jot down anything that comes to mind: phrases they used, places they loved, the way they laughed, what they always cooked, the jobs they did. Ask family and friends for a memory each. Do not sort or judge anything yet.
- Look for a thread Read your notes and look for what keeps coming up. Perhaps they were endlessly patient, or always the first to help, or happiest outdoors. One quality like this can become the theme that holds the whole eulogy together.
- Choose two or three stories Pick the memories that best show that quality. A small, specific story usually says more than a list of achievements. "She knitted a scarf for every new baby in the street" tells people who she was.
- Write it as you would say it Use short sentences and everyday words. Read each paragraph aloud as you go. If a sentence is hard to say, it will be harder on the day, so simplify it.
- Check the facts with the family Names, dates, places and the spelling of nicknames matter. Share a draft with someone close to the person before the service.
A simple structure
Most eulogies follow the same gentle shape. You do not have to follow it exactly, but it gives you somewhere to start.
- Opening. Thank people for coming, say your name and how you knew the person.
- Who they were. A few sentences about their life: where they grew up, their work, their family, what they loved.
- Stories. Two or three memories that show the quality you chose as your theme.
- What they meant. What they gave the people around them, and what you will carry with you.
- Goodbye. A short final line spoken to them or about them. Simple is best.
The eulogy template gives you one card for each of these parts, so you can fill them in one at a time instead of facing a blank page.
Eulogy examples
These examples are original and the names are made up. Each is around a minute and a half to read slowly. Change the details, keep what feels right, and leave out anything that does not sound like you.
Thank you all for being here. I'm Claire, and Helen was my mother.
Mum grew up in a small house with four brothers, which she said taught her two things: how to be heard, and how to make a meal stretch. She became a nurse at nineteen and spent almost forty years looking after other people's families while somehow never missing one of ours.
When I was eight I broke my arm falling off the back fence. She splinted it, drove me to the hospital, and on the way home stopped for ice cream "for medical reasons". That was Mum. Calm in a crisis, and always finding a small kindness in the middle of it.
She left notes in our lunchboxes long after we were too old for them. Last week I found one in my coat pocket. It just said "Proud of you."
Mum, we are proud of you too. Thank you for everything.
Good afternoon. My name is Tom, and I'm Frank's eldest son.
Dad was a carpenter for most of his life, and he believed almost anything could be fixed with patience, a pencil behind the ear and a cup of tea. Our shed was full of jars of screws he had saved "just in case", and he was right more often than we liked to admit.
He was not a man of many words. He showed love by turning up: at every football match in the rain, at every school play, and at my first flat with a toolbox and a tin of biscuits.
What he really mended, though, was people. Half the neighbours here today came to him at some point with a broken gate, and left with a fixed gate and a lighter heart.
Dad, you taught us to take our time and do things properly. We will try. Rest well.
Hello, everyone. I'm Priya, and Nani was my grandmother.
She came to this country with one suitcase and a recipe book written entirely from memory. Over sixty years she turned that book into a kitchen that fed three generations, half the street and anyone who happened to knock on the door at dinnertime.
As children, we spent every school holiday at her table. She taught us card games, and she cheated, cheerfully and without shame. She also taught us to say thank you properly, to look after each other, and to never leave a guest hungry.
In her last years her memory faded, but she still knew every one of our faces, and she still asked whether we had eaten.
Nani, we have eaten. We are looking after each other. Thank you for teaching us how.
Hi, everyone. I'm Sam. Jess and I met on the first day of university, queuing for the wrong lecture, and we were friends from that moment on.
Jess was the person you called first, whether the news was good or bad. She remembered every birthday, every job interview, every exam date, and she always sent a message on the morning of it.
She was brave in a quiet way. She moved cities for a job she loved, learned to swim at thirty and ran her first race the year after. She never thought of these things as remarkable; she just did them, and made the rest of us braver too.
I keep reaching for my phone to tell her things. I suspect many of you do as well.
Jess, thank you for being the friend who always checked in. We will keep checking in on each other for you.
A short eulogy
Sometimes there are several speakers, or you only feel able to say a few words. A one-minute eulogy of around 110 words can still be deeply moving. Keep it to one memory and one goodbye.
My name is Daniel, and George was my uncle. He lived his whole life in this town and seemed to know everyone in it. If your car broke down, George appeared. If you needed a hand moving house, George appeared, usually with a trailer and a flask of soup. He never asked for thanks and always looked a little embarrassed when he got it. So today, George, we are going to embarrass you one last time. Thank you, from all of us, for every time you turned up. We will miss you very much.
How long a eulogy should be
Eulogies are read more slowly than most speeches, with pauses to breathe and steady yourself. A comfortable pace is around 110 words per minute. Use the table as a guide, then time yourself reading it aloud.
| Speaking time | Words at a slow pace | Often used for |
|---|---|---|
| 2 minutes | about 220 words | One of several speakers |
| 3 minutes | about 330 words | A short tribute |
| 4 minutes | about 440 words | A typical eulogy |
| 5 minutes | about 550 words | The main eulogy |
| 7 minutes | about 770 words | Only if the service allows it |
Always ask the celebrant, minister or funeral director how much time you have. The speech timer calculator will tell you how long your draft takes at a slow pace.
What to leave out
- A complete life history. A list of dates and jobs is hard to listen to. Choose the moments that show who they were.
- Private family matters. Old disagreements, money or anything that could hurt someone in the room belong elsewhere.
- Inside jokes nobody can follow. If a story needs a long explanation, choose another one.
- Trying to sound like a writer. Your normal voice is the right one. People want to hear you.
- Too many thank-yous. A short, general thank you is enough; the family may thank people separately.
Once your eulogy is written, read our guide to eulogy cue cards for advice on large type, breathing marks and having a backup reader on the day. For a complete example from start to finish, see this eulogy for a grandparent.